Just when you thought it was safe
by pagman
Summary: A continuation of my fic Could you even consider this a fanfic? Again a completely random story.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: CSI is not mine so don't sue, I don't have enough to pay you anyway. **

**-----**

When we last saw our intrepid heroes (minus Ecklie) plus the overly super amazing Bobby Dawson and Archie (also counted as intrepid heroes but much more superly amazing) they were discussing why they always seemed to be at the lab even though it was quite obviously the day. The best anyone could tell it was because being night shift they didn't like having a label on them and tried to be as non conforming as possible by working at the lab even though it was day. That or they were all workaholics for whom work had destroyed their lives, that was always another possibility. It didn't matter to any of them really what they cared about was solving murders and putting the bad guys in jail forever. Greg had entered the break room again, still shivering with the mental images that would stay with him forever. To get back into the break room however Greg had to step on the body of the evil Spork. He noticed something about her in doing this. The evil Spork was starting to smell like decomp. "Guys," Greg began, "the evil Spork out in the corridor is starting to smell more than a little bit."

"Are you okay now Greg," Grissom asked, actually being concerned about Greg's sanity even though it appeared to have left him long ago.

"No sir I am not," said Greg in a shaking voice, mental images running through his head, and he ran out of the room stepping quite heavily on the body of the evil Spork.

"Do you think he will ever be okay honey?" asked Sara.

"Honestly…" Grissom paused for dramatic effect. "I don't think he will. He seems to be scared for life. I told you we shouldn't have told the truth."

"Did not," retorted Sara and she punched him playfully. Grissom accidentally fell over and Sara also accidentally fell over on top of him. They then realized, after more than a couple of minutes, where they were and quickly got up. Grissom quickly buttoned up his shirt, acting like nothing had happened,

"Scared for life!" cried Hodges and ran out of the room to follow Greg.

"Good job Grissom," said Nick sarcastically and Grissom just gave him the look.

"Is it just me of does Hodges run like a girl?" asked the totally awesome Bobby Dawson.

"It's not just you," said Super Dave.

"This from the man who carries a purse," challenge the super amazing Archie.

"It was one time," whined Super Dave. "It was for a case too."

"What's wrong with running like a girl?" Ecklie chimed in.

"Guys, before this fight gets outta hand can't we just all agree that Hodges runs like a girl?" said the man who will be forever wise, Brass.

"I think that would be a good idea Jim," said Grissom and they all nodded, therefore agreeing that Hodges ran like a girl.

"Greg's right though Griss. What are we going to do with the evil Spork?" asked Sara.

"You guys are among the top CSIs in the country. I'm sure you can think of something," said Doc Robbins.

"You're right Al. Together let us come up with a cunning plan," said Grissom as he had been watching too much Blackadder.

-----

Many hours and pots of Blue Hawaiian later they nearly had it. Greg and Hodges had both returned to the break room. Hodges retreated to the corner shivering while Greg sat staring into the abyss that was his cup of Blue Hawaiian. Every so often Greg would look up and shoot Grissom and Sara an evil death ray look but they were so happy they didn't care. Many plans had come up in discussion, Warrick even said he'd be quite happy to drive up to the Hoover Dam and throw her over the side. Ecklie even joined in the "Let's dispose of the evil Spork" conversation and although he come up with some plans that he thought were quite cunning they were just lame. They discussed old casers. Body dumps were a likely option so they discussed those cases in particular. Would the desert be a better place that the forest? That was one of the many things they discussed. Should they grind the evil Spork into someone's hamburger or hot dog meat? Unfortunately they knew no one capable of doing that. Should they cut up her body, Doc Robbins and Super Dave certainly knew how. Then they could dump her in a random dumpster (just no where near CSI of course). But they didn't want it to be that complicated. They wanted something that wouldn't take more than 12 hours.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

Warrick remembered fondly the time he was in Miami. It wasn't so much the people who worked with him on the case (actually they annoyed him. And that guy with those stupid sunglasses. Warrick would never ever get those.) It was the half naked people he met on the beach. This has been a plot filler with no relation to the story whatsoever. 

Warrick actually tried to remember anything Horatio (or whatever his name was) told him about body dumps in Miami. Unfortunately Warrick had been annoyed by him and couldn't remember any of their conversations. If Catherine was here she would most likely remember but she wasn't. She once again had forgotten she had a daughter.

So Warrick was back at square one listening to the conversation. They still honestly seemed no closer to a plan than they had been 2 hours ago. "Conrad," Grissom said with a gleam in his eyes. "I may just have a plan. 'I love it when you wear those gloves.'" Sara looked hurt for all about 2 seconds then realized that this was something Grissom had told her once upon a time.

Ecklie thought about this for a minute. He thought that it was great to be included but had no idea where this was going. Then it dawned on him and he smirked as it was impossible for him to smile. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking Gil?"

"Most likely not. My mind has drifted while you were talking," said Grissom and raised an eyebrow in Sara's direction. Sara saw this eyebrow raise in her direction and smiled an raised an eyebrow back. It was a nice touching moment for them both. They were no longer awkward around each other and felt that they could do nearly whatever they wanted wherever they were. Common sense prevented them from doing some things, obviously they weren't Catherine.

"Oh," said Ecklie with a hurt look on his face.

"But if you were thinking that we should put a colorful outfit with completely bad taste on the body of the evil Spork then dump her on some random park bench in an area of high traffic then we proceed with an investigation while wearing our gloves then that was what I was thinking before I got distracted yes," said Grissom.

"Yay!" cried Ecklie and for the first time in his adult life he smiled. "I was thinking all of that minus the gloves you glove fetish freak!"

"Guilty as charged," said Grissom as he held up his hands in mock surrender. Sara smiled as this as it provided her with an opportunity to look at Grissom's arms. Grissom had such great arms and she could certainly say they were much stronger than they looked. "Why do you think I became a CSI?"

"For the ladies?" asked Warrick, it was certainly the reason he became a CSI.

"To work in Vegas to get an opportunity to have an excuse to see strippers?" asked Nick. "Especially now since you're married," he added and raised an eyebrow in Grissom's direction.

"Yes Nick, I knew that after wondering what to do about this for 6 years I would marry Sara and have my job as a CSI for back up in the event that I wanted to see strippers," said Grissom sarcastically.

"I knew it!" cried Warrick. "Pay up Nicky my boy. You owe me $100." As this proves Warrick was still addicted to gambling and could not understand sarcasm.

"I was being sarcastic Warrick. I suggest you learn what it is," said Grissom. "You too Nick, I saw you about to pay up. By now Nick had put his wallet away and getting Warrick to pay him.

"So do you want to go ahead with our cunning plan?" asked Brass.

"Indeed I do Jim," came Grissom's reply. "I will need you to take point on this case when we get around to investigating. We're going to have to lie our way through this one if this plan is going to work. We dump the body at dawn!" Grissom said the last part in an overly dramatic voice for effect.

"Ah Griss," said Greg. "Ah…I don't know who to tell you this but…ah…"

"Greg you better not be telling me bad news. If you tell me you slept with Sara I will kill you. Don't think I won't." said Grissom.

"Calm down Griss. I think I'd remember something like that. I shall however always have fond memories at that shower we once shared Greg," Sara chuckled at the thought of it.

"Well that's good," said Grissom and you could tell that Grissom and Sara were undressing each other with their eyes.

"Before I go rudely interrupted I would like to say that…ah…between you and Sara being ah…late," Greg shuddered, "and this plan thinking we've all been doing. I hate to tell you but there is another 18 hours before dawn."

"Damnit," cried Grissom. "Do we ever sleep?"

"Nope can't say we do. We're always here," said Warrick. He was reasonably calm for a man who had just lost $100. It was at that moment that everyone realized that Warrick was either rich (likely) or addicted to gambling (more likely) and therefore accustomed to losing sums of money like that.

"I think that the better question to ask is the question is Catherine ever here?"

"Not unless she has to be," said Sara.

"It must be nice to have a life," said Greg with a sigh.

"I have a life," said Grissom proudly. It was true. For the first time he could say with all certainty that he had a life that wasn't lame (collecting bugs or memorizing famous quote books in order to appear smart) or just plain creepy (spending so long figuring out what to do about this, it should have been pretty obvious).

"Well good for you Grissom," said Brass trying to sound as supportive for him as possible without displaying the usual sarcasm he used in everything he said.

"I know," said Grissom with a huge smile on his face. He was actually acting rather childish as of late, must be a side affect of figuring out what to do about this.

"Before we get completely off topic and forget about why we are meeting here today, I think it would be wise if we figured out a plan of action for dawn tomorrow," said Doc Robbins.

"I think Greg should be in charge of a bright and flamboyant shirt. He'd be the one to know about that," said Hodges. This gave Greg the opportunity to practice his Grissom type look but it didn't look quite right.

Instead Greg decided to take the proud route out of the embarrassing situation he found himself in and said, "That sound's like a great idea Hodges, thank you for suggesting. I have just the shirt to I think." He said this in an overly happy voice just to make Hodges annoyed.

"Jolly good Greg," said Grissom for some strange reason. "I say we meet back in the break room 30 minutes," he paused once again for dramatic effect. "Before dawn!"

"Yes Grissom," said Brass.

"I do believe Sara that we have now been given many hours to ah…spend time together," Grissom said with gleam in his eyes.

"Your office?" suggested Sara.

"Why of course," said Grissom and they walked off towards his office hand in hand to do whatever it is that people who are married do…


	3. Chapter 3

Everybody assembled at the break room at the time that Grissom said to assemble. Grissom and Sara were fashionably late even though they were only in Grissom's office. Everyone was looking forward to a day full of whatever they were going to do that day. Greg had provided a very bright and colorful shirt to dress the evil Spork in.

They encountered a problem however, just who was going to dress the evil Spork? It was a job no one really wanted and it was certainly not one anybody signed up for when they became a CSI. Nick and Ecklie were exempt from dressing the evil Spork. It was as if both being bald gave them a reason to talk and as they began talking while the argument went on Nick decided it would be a good moment to begin waxing his head. Ecklie very politely asked if he could borrow some of the head polish as he had left his at home. Nick was only too happy to allow this to happen and they both began polishing their heads. Fortunately they didn't get to the point where they would polish each others heads. That would just be creepy. They polished their heads so hard that the light reflected off them and blinded them all.

"You win Nick and Ecklie, I'll do it so we can just get out of here and try to save our eyes," cried Hodges and he grabbed the shirt from Greg's hands and quickly shoved it on the evil Spork over the shirt she was already wearing. Nobody needed to check whether or not she actually wore underwear.

"To the coroner van so we can dump the body somewhere and get as far away as humanly possible," said Grissom and there was a rush to get out of the lab, not only to dispose of the body of the evil Spork but also before they all went blind due to the enormous amount of light being reflected off the heads of Nick and Ecklie.

------

They drove around Vegas randomly for over an hour trying to find a place to dump the body. They encountered a problem in this though. Vegas was a very bright town they learnt. The light continued to shine off of Nick and Ecklie's extremely bald shiny heads. Before he went completely blind Doc Robbins handed out latex gloves to both Nick and Ecklie so they could stick them on their heads. It made them look like weird chickens so everyone laughed at them. Ecklie just gave them an evil glare and threatened them all with suspension without pay for one week so they all shut up.

"Where the hell are we going to dump the body Griss, it's starting to smell," whined Greg. He hated the smell of decomp in an enclosed space. Nothing would get rid of it except lemons.

"How about on a park bench at the Bellagio?" Grissom said. "It is high traffic…"

"Fine whatever let's just dump the body and run," said Super Dave, he for once was getting very annoyed with the smell of decomp.

"Run where Super Dave?" said Nick as he was the one who first used the phrase Super Dave. "I don't know if you've noticed but we're going to be the ones who investigate this case."

"Well we can still run back to the coroner van and sit in it so it looks like we had nothing to do with it at all," Super Dave said in defense.

"And I shall find myself a random table at the buffet," said Brass.

"Do you think we can get a hotel room at such short notice?" Grissom asked hopefully. "We've got what? By my calculations, I say we have about an hour."

"I doubt it Griss," Sara said in response

"Oh…" and Grissom's face went from a smile to a frown.

"But there is nothing stopping us from trying," Sara said.

"Yay!" cried Grissom.

"I think I liked it better when you two were awkward with each other," said Warrick, not without a hint of complaint in his voice.

"Same here," agreed Nick.

"I must agree with the other guys," said Greg. "I am honestly getting sick of these sexually suggestive moments between the two of you. I will most likely have nightmares tonight."

"As I have power in the lab I must say that I don't approve of inter-office relationships but because I am desperate for one I can't complain," said Ecklie. "Please continue to have as many sexually suggestive moments as you want as long as you try to save poor little Greggo's virgin mind." With this Ecklie put his hand suggestively on Greg's knee.

"Get your hand off my knee. The only person who I will allow to do that to me is Nick but as he has shaved all of his hair off I don't know if I will ever love him again," said Greg.

"Is the hair that bad honey?" asked Nick

"I'm sorry but yes."

"I will try and grow it back but it could take a while," said Nick.

"That's okay Nick, I'm certainly not going anywhere," said Greg and he winked in Nick's direction.

Before Grissom or Sara could say anything about the sexually suggestiveness of it all Brass said something wise, "Look we're here."

"Took us long enough," grumbled totally awesome Archie. "Hey Bobby Dawson, Hodges, you wanna go to a bar and get drunk? We're lab techs, we don't really need to be here or nothing."

"Sure," said ultimately cool Bobby Dawson.

"I'm up for it," said Hodges.

"Make sure you're come when we page you," said Grissom.

"Fine," said Hodges and the three men ran out of the van to find some random bar so they could get drunk.

"I'll dump the body," said Doc Robbins. "I mean who will question a guy with crutches. I shall look completely innocent."

"Everyone spread out around the strip and wait for the call," said Brass.

"Race you to check in," said Sara and Grissom and Sara went off sprinting to see who would get there first.

"You can find me at the slot machines," said Warrick and walked off in the general direction of the casino.

"Nick where should we go?" asked Greg.

"Don't know. How 'bout we just walk the strip?" Nick replied.

"Sounds good to me," said Greg and they walked off arm in arm.

"Buffet for me Al and Super Dave," and Brass walked off to the buffet.

"Wanna help me here David?" asked Doc Robbins

"Sure."

"Then if you're lucky I will in fact buy you an ice cream cone," said Doc Robbins.

"Yay!" cried Super Dave and he and Doc Robbins tried to be as unassuming and unsuspicious as possible even though they were dragging a body through the Bellagio that was dressed in an outfit of very bad taste.


	4. Chapter 4

"…And then he spelt fountain futain," said Hodges with a laugh. It was either a laugh at the humor of his story or because he was drunk, no one could tell.

"Are you serious?" asked the overly super cool Bobby Dawson, a slight drunken slur in his accent.

"Would I lie to you?" said Hodges.

"Well there was that time you said I would be the one to know about rashes," said the hotness that was Bobby Dawson with his southern drawl. "What was up with that?"

"I don't actually know," said Hodges with a look of thoughtfulness on his face. "I most likely had been coloring my hair with sharpie and sniffed it."

"Well that certainly explains it," said OMG the Archie! (Not without a large amount of sarcasm in his voice.)

"I like to think so," said Hodges with a smile.

Before a fight could break out between the drunken men Super Dave and Doc Robbins showed up at the bar.

"I got an ice cream," said Super Dave proudly. "It has two flavors and everything! And look sprinkles!"

"Really David?" asked the completely trashed Archie, it was a surprise he was still conscious. "Is it a good ice cream?"

"It is thank you Archie. I like it very much."

"So guys," said Doc Robbins. "Would it be alright if I joined you? David has his ice cream so that will be able to entertain him for a while and I could go for a beer…"

"Of course Doc," said Hodges. Hodges pointed to his glass to indicate he wanted another beer. He then raised his fingers indicating he wanted two. He didn't need them he just wanted to keep drinking.

As the bartender placed two new glasses with beer in front of Hodges he gave him a look as if to suggest he had had enough. Hodges didn't see this look and downed half the beer in one big gulp.

"Cheers," said Doc Robbins with a raise of his glass. "To the death of the evil Spork."

"Indeed," said the drunken Bobby Dawson with a raise of his glass. The others raised their glasses while David raised his ice cream

At that moment pagers went off with a beep. After Bobby Dawson exclaimed a couple of profanities at the fact that he spilt his beer they all got up to go out to where they knew the crime scene was and left.

Archie fell on the floor and a wheel chair was brought in order to get him out of the bar.

-----

Catherine arrived at the scene more than fashionably late. With a flick of her head she caused her hair to become messy. She sauntered up to everyone else and flashed them her biggest smile.

"Lindsay okay?" asked Warrick and shot a smile back in Catherine's direction as he had a crush on her.

"Who?" she asked wondering why people always asked her these stupid, pointless questions.

"Your daughter," Grissom said, this time trying to be the helpful one. As of late Grissom had been worried about Catherine. Not concerned, worried. There was a difference, the only one he could be concerned about was Sara.

"Damnit," she cried for who knows the what time. "I was going to get her from where ever she was but completely forgot."

"Well why don't you go back to the lab," said Grissom trying to be helpful. "You are completely unprepared for this case anyway. When we get back to the lab I'll tell you all about it."

"Why would I be unprepared for the case Gil?" It was at that moment that Catherine got a glimpse of what lay beyond everyone. If she had more common sense she most likely would have guessed that something was up the moment she saw the completely amazing Bobby Dawson and Archie as well as Hodges. She would have figured out that there was no need to have lab techs in the field. The same goes for the fact that both Doc Robbins and Super Dave were both present, not really any point to that really. The fact that Ecklie was there, complete with gloves, should have been a dead give away that this was something major. Ecklie never wore his gloves.

When she saw the site that was laid out in front of her she screamed. In front of her was the evil Spork in her strange, bad taste outfit. "Not the evil Spork. Why oh why did this have to happen? We were like BFF and everything and now she's dead." Catherine fell to the ground sobbing.

"I think it would be a good idea if you went back to the lab and calmed down. Maybe even take a couple of days off. Spend time with…" Grissom paused for a moment hoping that Catherine would know Lindsay this time. "Lindsay," he continued.

"Oh okay," and suddenly as if by magic Catherine wasn't sad any more. She actually wanted a couple of days off, she had been working really hard lately and thought a break might be a good thing for her. She went of skipping to the Denali, climbed in and drove off into the sunset (actually it would be sunrise come to think of it…) before Grissom could change his mind.


	5. Chapter 5

Now that Catherine was gone there was nothing to do but pretend to process the crime scene. Unfortunately a crime scene in a high traffic area means that people stand by and watch. This meant that they actually had to do something. They printed to print the park bench the evil Spork was on and pretending to take a mold of the shoe print that Doc Robbins had left in the grass on purpose. They also took photos, lots and lots of photos.

All this didn't require a lot of effort and with the awesomely totally awesome Bobby Dawson (and the slightly almost cool Hodges) watching the passed out drunk Archie to see he didn't make a fool of himself and embarrass the lab if he woke up, all they had to do was ponder their time from dumping the body to getting the crime scene and pretending to process it.

* * *

After leaving everyone at the coroner's van Brass quickly jumped on the monorail to go to the MGM. Then he walked through what seemed the never ending casino until crossing the bridge to New York, New York. He then jumped on the monorail at the Excalibur to go to the Luxor to eat some of their delicious buffet. Everyone knows the Luxor has the best buffet.

Brass wandered the various dishes set out at the buffet deciding what to add to his taco and roast lamb. He considered French fries but dismissed the idea immediately; he had his figure to think of. He finally settled on wedges and sour cream, at least that was semi-healthy.

He went looking for a table to sit at and an interesting sit came before him. There was Detective Vega sitting at a table alone polishing off what looked to be a very delicious piece of apple pie.

"This seat taken," he asked, sneaking up behind him.

Vega jumped. "Captain Brass," he replied, startled. "Of course not sir. Feel free to sit."

"Thanks." Brass sat down and began eating. When a waitress came around he asked for a delicious crisp glass of iced tea.

Brass and Vega talked of nothing and everything. They discussed some of the more interesting cases they had had in their time in the Las Vegas crime lab. When they talked of serial killers and some of the ways they killed their victims people at nearby tables got up, disgusted at what they were hearing.

Then came the moment that Brass was regretting. "I hate to tell you this," Brass tried the Grissom pause for dramatic effect. When Vega looked annoyed he continued. "The evil Spork is dead. You're the first one to know outside of the nightshift, a couple of lab techs and Doc Robbins and Super Dave. She was stabbed by one of Grissom's experiments with a spork.

"That's disgusting," said Vega. "I can't believe that the nightshift would carelessly leave a spork lying around where anyone could find it. Everyone knows the old folklore tale about the evil Spork who was stabbed with a spork. It's the stuff of legends back where I'm from."

"Yeseses…" was all Brass could manage. He carefully patted his upper lip with his napkin and finished his iced tea. He was just about to go get some of that delicious looking apple pie that Vega was eating before he arrived but his pager went off.

"That's the call," said Brass. "I'll catch you back at the station." As a sort of after thought Brass added, "Do you mind smuggling out a piece of apple pie for me?"

"Not a problem Captain. See you back at the lab."

* * *

Brass sighed at the memory then saw that some stupid tourists had their video camera out and were recording what the CSI were doing.

"_Can't have that,"_ thought Brass and he walked over to the crowed to confiscate their video cameras and any digital cameras they may or may not have. It was his only form of fun these days.


End file.
